Who's Screwdriver is Bigger ?
by TigerLily98
Summary: There is a rip in space/time which brings both 10th and 11th incarnations of the Doctors together to meet each other for the first time. What follows is lively tea and biscuits followed by a rather animated conversation about who has the bigger screwdriver and who's is better. 'T' for innuendo. Blame Spaceballs for the inspiration.


Who's Screwdriver is Bigger ?

Synopsis: There is a rift in time/space and the 10th and 11th Doctors have a run in with each other. At first, they start talking about how their lives have been similar but then get into a heated debate about who's sonic screwdriver is best. Fairly soon, River has to come in and break up the fighting. Boys, so typical to fight over their 'toys !'

~*~CAST~*~

11th Doctor:

10th Doctor:

River Song:

Idris:

Scene 1-Meeting Oneself

10th Doctor: (adjusting all the knobs and dials of the TARDIS) Now if I am not mistaken, I should be a few hours outside Maui, which, I know from previous experience is wonderful this time of year. Just a few adjustments, and...

Idris: Doctor, I seem to be detecting something.

10th Doctor: Is that you, Idris ? I...haven't heard you speak in such a long while...

What's going on ?

Idris: A time anomaly.

10th Doctor: A singularity ? Bring it up on the monitor, if you would, m'dear.

Idris: Sure thing, darling.

10th Doctor: That is certainly odd. I haven't seen a wormhole in ages. Do you know how this was created ?

Idris: Unknown cause. Unknown origin. Basically, this singularity is an enigma.

10th Doctor: Wrapped within a mystery, wrapped within a riddle.

(The TARDIS hits something _hard_ and all of a sudden, everything goes black...)

11th Doctor: Did anyone get the license plate of that Mack semi that steamrolled me ?

Owww...My neck. (rubs neck to release the kink and shakes head to reorient himself) Where...or when am I ? Is that...(raises eyebrow) Me ?

10th Doctor: (waking up and blinking) Blimey ! Who are you ? Wait...you're me !

Right ?

11th Doctor: (looking down at his shoes and back at his 10th incarnation) So it would seem. Good to meet you, lad. Or should I say, it's good to meet me ! My using pronouns can be fun ! Pronouns are cool, though.

10th Doctor: Do you happen to know where or when we are ?

11th Doctor: It's not Cardiff, if that's what you're asking.

10th Doctor: From what I can see, it's definitely _not_ Maui. Well, that certainly is disappointing.

Idris: From what I can tell, you are in limbo.

Both: For how long ?

Idris: I may be a containment of quantum consciousness but even my brain has its limitations in its present form.

11th Doctor: Hey, I'll tell you what, old chum ! What say we make the most of our time and talk about some of our adventures !

10th Doctor: That's a smashing idea. Glad I thought of it.

11th Doctor: Would you care for some tea and Jammy Dodgers ?

10th Doctor: Why not ? Do you know how to make banana daquiries ?

11th Doctor: You bet ! I'll get cracking.

(scene fade)

Scene 2-Friendship Gone Horribly Wrong

11th Doctor: (laughing until his sides hurt) Yes, yes, all are equally frightening aliens that we have encountered.

10th Doctor: I still find it funny how uptight the Cybermen and Daleks are even after all these years. Sheesh, they need to chill out. (sonic screwdriver drops out of his pocket) Oops, sorry about that. All this laughing is hurting my sides !

11th Doctor: (gives the 10th doctor back his screwdriver) That's funny. Mine is bigger.

10th Doctor: Seriously ? Let me see ! (a bit huffily)

(They measure the two beside each other)

10th Doctor: Blimey, you're right, mate.

11th Doctor: I'll show you something else ! It can _retract !_ Can your sonic do that ?

10th Doctor: (feeling a bit inadequate) No, but it has all of the quantum functions a normal sonic would have ! So, so...there ! You _meanie_ ! (mock punches him in the arm)

11th Doctor: (laughing so hard he can hardly stand it) Admit it. I am the better man.

Scene 3-River Patches Things Up

River: (appears and the two doctors shriek like girls) Shut it ! The both of you ! You're not acting like men, but children !

10th Doctor: _He_ started it ! (talking to his screwdriver) Screwy, don't take it personally. He didn't mean anything by it. (puppy eyed, hopeful) Did you ?

11th Doctor: (exhales sharply) No. I didn't. I was being a walley.

River: That's better. Who knows what arguing with yourselves could've done to the fabric of space time, which is wonky enough, mind you !

Doctors: We know.

Idris: It wasn't their fault, River.

River: I know, sweetie. But I fixed it.

11th Doctor: (unexpectedly hugs her) I knew there was a reason why I loved you ! You are stellar, not to mention dynamite !

River: (chortling) I have to be to be your wife, right ?

10th Doctor: Since, you...fixed everything, I suppose that means I must say goodbye.

River: It does, darling. I'm sorry about that.

10th Doctor: (a bit teary eyed, coming up to hug him) I'm going to miss me.

River: Who knows when you'll meet again. You may need each other's services.

Just don't have another petty argument over sonics again. I may not be as merciful.

11th Doctor: Take my word for it, mate. River isn't one to muck about.

10th Doctor: I _know_. I had a run in with her once. Well, it's been swell but I've got a timeline to protect and a destiny to serve. Allonzy ! (runs into the TARDIS and disappears)

11th Doctor: I really do like the old me. What do you think, River darling ?

River: You are unique to yourself, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

11th Doctor: Come to think of it, aren't we expected for cake and ice cream for the birthday of the Galaxy ? We were invited, after all.

River: Sounds...intrieguing. I've never had sweets with infinite energy.

11th Doctor: You'll enjoy each other, she is quite incredible. Come along, River.

Infinite flavors, infinite possibilities of cake !

(They rush into the TARDIS and disappear...end scene)

(Doctor Who Theme, cast bow)


End file.
